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Why can't ants get sick from Coronavirus? Because they have little anty-bodies.
When suicide bombers detonates... ...he goes out with a Bang.
Today is the day many people will confess to their crushes And say it was an April fool's joke when they get rejected
Knock knock Whose there? Corona. Corona who? Corona you! *Coughs in face*
Why is it? My wife can come home from working in her dress and change into jeans and a flannel shirt it’s no big deal. When I come home from work and change out of my jeans and flannel shirt. It’s suddenly “we have to talk.”
The spoon in a waiter's pocket catches the customer's attention The customer asks "Why do you have a spoon in your pocket?" To which the waiter replies "It's part of a new program to save time the restaurant is doing. If I drop a soup spoon, I can quickly replace it with the spoon in my pocket, and then switch the dirt...
When this crisis is over and you had to choose between a night out drinking with your mates or a romantic dinner with your wife.. Which pub will you be drinking in ?
How do you waste people's time? >!not like this !</ >! not like this not like this !</>! / not like this!< ​ >!not like this tooo!< .>!not like this also !<>!look somewhere else!< ​ >!Not like this either !< . >! not like this !<.&...
My friend is the most average person on the planet yet he loves to go around judging and criticising other people He's really mean
Why did the pilot get sick? Because he flu
Drug cartels have been turning to toilet paper instead of narcotics for profits. I guess you can say the crack has been wiped out clean
Prince Charles is actually happy about getting COVID-19. Now he doesn't have to worry if he will experience coronation.
Told this joke every summer as a camp counselor; never failed This cheerio works 9-5 at a factory doing the same mundane task every day of every year. One day, this smoking hot frosted cheerio walks in and the normal cheerio falls for her instantly. He walks up to her and says: “Hey, want to grab something to eat lat...
what a set up, for a dad joke. it's worth it tho full disclosure, this isn't my joke, was sent to me I knew a bloke who was a massive fan of tractors his whole life. When he was a kid, he didn't have toy cars or posters of lambos on his bedroom wall, he had toy tractors and trailers and posters of the latest John D...
My classmate said a program wasn't supported on his browser My teacher told him to put some books under it
Surprise Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such...
Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole Scientist 1: So this polar bear can survive in both the north *and* south poles? Scientist 2: that’s correct. However, he’s prone to mood swings in the south Scientist 1: maybe it’s his wife? Scientist 2: or his...
This morning my wife walk's into the kitchen as I am fixing my morning coffee. Wife in a very excited tone: "Babe! Babe! I'm pregnant you're going to be a father!" Me: "Ha! Can't fool me it's April Fools Day!" Wife: "Haha, got me, you're not the father."
Wedding The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night. The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two. The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternati...
It's Radioactive Man "Up and atom!"
Mickey Mouse wakes up on a snowy day and looks out his window. He looks down and sees, "Mickey sucks" written in the snow in piss. He looks up and sees two people running away. So he calls the cops. After an investigation, a detective says to Mickey, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is we found ...
An ophthalmologist **SIR:** May I come in doc? **DOC:** Yes sir you may come in. **SIR:** Can I get information about eye donation campaign that you are running. **DOC:** That is really great of you, do you know the estimated number of **people** visually impaired in the world is 285 million. **SIR:** Oh that is s...
While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two five-year-old boys were getting acquainted. "My name is Joshua. What’s yours?" asked the first boy. "Adam," replied the second. "My daddy is a doctor. What does your daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua. Adam proudly replied, "My dadd...
April Fools Day exists, YouTubers: This is my last video
I loved making jokes about plastic blocks I guess it was time to lego
Knock, knock.... Who's there? "WHO." The band? "Nope." Shit!
So a couple tell their therapist that the pandemic is actually helping their marriage... Turns out they're in a covid-dependent relationship.
3 young men were lost in the desert without any food and water. After almost a full day of trying to find their way out, they stumbled across a small house. The 3 young men decided to see if there was any way they could get any help, including some drinks and a meal. After knocking on the door, the ugliest, most wrin...
A Religious Woman Get Married at 17 She's married to her husband for 17 years, has 13 children with him. He passes away, she marries again. This time, she and her husband are married for 23 years, and have 11 kids before he passes to the other side. One year later she gets called to Heaven. At her funeral, the Pries...
What kind of sweaters do tortoises wear? Turtle-necks
Expidition of two scientists Two scientists start an expedition to explore a deserted island. On the second day of their expidition, they ran into a group of indigenous, the natives bound the two scientists and bring them to their village. The chief of the tribal approaches and says „**DEATH or BUMM BUMM?**“. The two...
A gorgeous maid met her madam and asked for a pay rise. "why are you asking for a pay rise?" asked the madam. "Because i iron better than you." answered the maid. Silently fuming, the madam asked, "who said that?" "your husband did." Silent fuming intensifies. A bit daring, the madam asked again, "is that all you ...
Why did the queen felt depressed lately? Because she is in a midlife-crisis
Why did the people who moved constantly never get angry? Because they were no-mads
Two birds of paradise were having an argument together As it got more heated one began giving the other the silent treatment. “Oh yeah?” Said the other, “well toucan play at that game.”
I touched my girlfriends ass and she farted. ​ ​ It was a booty trap.
Don't know why one of my friend got suspended for going to washroom with his laptop while he was at his home Oh yeah, an online class was going on.
A guy almost lost all his money on Reddit. To read the second part please input your credit card information bellow.
Did you hear about the good-looking, troublemaker who got his arms chopped off? He was a handless, handsome handfull.
Since lockdown began, I've started making home movies... You could say I've became a regular Tentin Quarantino.
So I was sweaty after a long walk and this fly was buzzing around my head. I offered it a little something to go away.. .. and the police arrested me for fly tipping.
What is the opposite of ‘isolate’? yousoearly
I wish I could be ugly for just one day Because honestly, being ugly everyday sucks.
China's presidency should be for life That's what Xi said.
A man's wife goes missing... Husband: My wife is missing. She went out yesterday and has not come home... Sergeant at Police Station: What is her height? Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall. Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. Sergeant: Colour of eyes? Husband: So...
My wife complained that I never finish anything So I replied wi
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead.
How do you get rid of a republican? You tell him that economy is suffering and he should sacrifice himself.
A farmer was going up a hill with his horse and carriage Suddenly the horse stops and speaks to him in perfect English: "Hey man this hill is too steep, can we go around it for once?" The man is completely bewildered and says "Holly fu*k, I've never seen a talking horse before" And the carriage is like "Wow, wtf, me ...
I put the shrimp in shrimp cocktail Wait a second.........
What do you call an orgy between planets? The Big Bang.
Ah. Here again comes the April Fools' Day. Some men outside screaming horrendous things. They never grow up. Wait. It was the news on the TV.
How do you call animated porn with chicken tails? a hentail
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? – A candy baa.
Are you bored? Punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why do the Swedish military have barcodes on the sides of their ships? So when they all return to port, they can Scandinavian.
Kim Jong-Un has announced North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun And so Donald Trump promptly gives him a call telling him how stupid his plan is. They can't go to the sun; it's too hot! And so Kim replies, "We'll go at night!" And then Trump replies, "You fool! There is no sun at night!"
A salmon walks(?) into a bakers And the owner glares at him from behind the counter and says: "You'll have to leave. We don't sell fishcakes here."
Where do cows get their medicine ? At the farmacy.
A man storms into a bakery and says "I want to make a complaint! This muffin is mouldy and tastes like cheese!" The baker rolls his eyes and says "well, you did ask for a blue brie muffin."
What do you get from a dwarf cow? Condensed milk
How do we know that hot is faster than cold? You can catch a cold.
So there was this guy named "The Tree" He was dark, tall, and dyed his hair green at one point, hence the name. He was an army buddy. I woke up and looked over to him. There was something protruding from his blanket. I asked him about it. He responds. "It's just mornin wood."
It's not delivery it's Digorno A woman was pregnant and in labor with her only son, named Digorno. Her husband was waiting outside for her. Suddenly the doctor rushed in with good news. "We have good news!" "Is it delivery?" "It's not delivery, it's Digorno." And then they celebrated with pizza afterwards.
Knock Knock on my door (terrible) Knock knock Who's there Knock Knock! Knock knock who Knock knock knock knock knock on my door, knock knock knock knock on my door
We've found 'under' with 'over', 'more' with 'less' and 'yes' with 'no', but we don't know what goes with 'in' and where to find it. well I guess we'll have to find out
Stolen joke One time I had a kid come over to my house and tell me that my house was small and boring. So then I told him that my house was small because I had an amazing secret basement full of games and toys that I never tell anyone about. This kid wanted to see it really badly at that point, so I told him to wait ou...
Where does one go after high school? Home
What's the best way to get yourself tested for COVID-19 in America for free? Sneeze on a rich person's face
Why don't play baseball in China? Because they would eat all the bats
What has more win-win situations? A Vietnamese phone book
There is only one thing I hate about Halloween Which is...
I’ve been off my OCD pills for more than a year now! (Or 374 days, 7 hours and 3 minutes to be exact)
Are locksmiths considered key workers? Asking for a friend.
A high school girl decides she wants extra cash to buy clothes She walks all over town trying to find a job for someone her age. She meets three men. The first man is short, stocky, and has a red beard. He offers her a job gutting fish. She wrinkles her pretty nose and says no thank you, I don’t like the smell. The ...
My boyfriend said he wanted to break up on April Fool’s day It would have been funnier if he hadn’t been saying it for weeks now.
YouTubers don't have sex They unbox pussy
What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A violin has strings and a fiddle has strangs
Went to the supermarket this morning and watched a guy purchase a piñata, some paella and a sombrero. I thought to myself... Hispanic buying.
A man, a plan, a canoe, pasta, heros, rajahs, a coloratura, snipe, percale, macaroni, a gag, a banana bag, a tan, a tag, a banana bag again (or a camel), a crepe, pins, a rut, a Rolo, cash, a jar, sore hats, a peon, a canal... Panama.
The Gates of Heaven Three friends Thomas, Arthur, and Frank die and go to heaven. When they reach the Pearly Gates, St. Peter greets them and tells them that due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, God asked him to limit the number of people entering Heaven. The three friends were sad realizing that all three ...
Where is the worst place you can go? In your pants. (From my 5 year old daughter, now much older)
What does a sheep need to do to become a lawyer? Pass the baa-aa-aah!
What's worse than lobsters on your piano? Crabs on your organ
Everyone: *suffers three months of misery beginning with New Year’s Day* 2020(after March 31st): APRIL FOOLS!
Is it safe to say? It's the year of the bat...
Ever wonder what your kids would be like if you married someone beautiful or smart? You're a crappy spouse.
A preacher goes to prostitute... A preacher goes to a prostitute. After the deed when he is leaving, Prostitute : "Sir, money?" Preacher : " Are you kidding me, honey?, I will never take money from you for this."
Where do thespians Golf? in the Foreground!
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb Only two but you have to wonder how they got in there
Two Guys are Talking... A: Guess what, I got a girlfriend! B: Wow that's awesome! Who is she? A: Happy April Fools Day B: Dude... I think the joke's on you.
We're sorry to announce that April fools has been postponed. Due to the recent coronavirus crisis, April fools has been postponed to May 1st, 2020. Thanks for your cooperation.
Alright 2020, you’ve had your fun. Now say ‘April fools’ and let us get back to our lives, yeah?
In highschool, I won the "most secretive" award! I can't tell you how much it meant to me.
Lost (Limerick and Joke) There once was a man who was always lost. He would buy a map at any cost. One day on a trip, he heard his map rip, so into a trashcan, he tossed. ​ He wandered and wandered with no aim. He started to think it was a game. But with no end in sight and quickly losing light, he...
EVERYONE WILL UNDERSTAND If you have a grief nobody feels, If you have a pain nobody feels. If your heart is broken nobody feels, but if you fart all will understand.
A dude walks up to a woman at a party... "Of all the ladies at this party, you're average", he said. The woman replied, "You are mean". And he said, "No, you are".
Had a date last night Had a date last night Thought Id be careful though, I Wore a mask, gloves, BUT I GOT GONORRHEA! Forgot the condom -TM
A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST." So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on ...
Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland? She sat on Pinocchio's nose and screamed, " Lie to me! Lie to Me!"